Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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