The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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