She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
