I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
did i walk over a car last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize