I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
