Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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