areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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