So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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