I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
