I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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