My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
