I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
