fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I AM VODKA MAN
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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