I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
