I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
