Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
