"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
