He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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