I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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