I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize