I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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