Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you win again, gameday.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
