so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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