Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
