Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
