ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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