all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
