and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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