I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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