i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
