Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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