you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
