Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
