shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
