69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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