were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
