you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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