to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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