So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
