Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
