Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
