seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
