People in love make me want to vomit
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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