absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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