Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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