I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
