giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
someone owes me an orgasm
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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