if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
