Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
