I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
