So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
