So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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