I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
