not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
