I faked an abortion last night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
