Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
