I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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