Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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