What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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