You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
