At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
