So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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