no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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