My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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